you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
