Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
