So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
