I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
