How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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