It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
