That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
