Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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