Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
