Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
