i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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