Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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