The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
