Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
