i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
