I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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