Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
