sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
