seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
