all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
