There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
