I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize