how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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