Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
