I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
