I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
