she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
