youre lurking in front of me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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