I could have mohawked her pubes.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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