Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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