its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wish there were birth control emojis
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
