hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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