Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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