Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
