i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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