you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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