The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
