Need sex. Gaining weight.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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