drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Randomize
