No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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