no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
