just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
