Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
barbara walters just said penis...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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