I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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