He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm like, not good at living.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
