sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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