Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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