We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We need to get me chipped asap
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
