You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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