Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Watching her eat just hurts me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
