I feel like abortions should bother me more
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize