FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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