Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
