i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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