Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
