i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Please don't give away my fajitas
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
