We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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