I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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