i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
