Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She even gives head with a lisp.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
