I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
