Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
