No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
