I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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