I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
