i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
