Buhtt sex?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize