there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Is it because I queefed?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
