Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
