I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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