Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
