Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
