OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
no more duck duck goose at the bar
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
