I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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