how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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