I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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