Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
