apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
