I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
