I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
