Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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