im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize