i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
