It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
