Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I am spending my child support on dildos
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
