HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
