Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize