its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
